The biggest question of my life is :
How my feeling right now ?
Seriously I don't know how to react, to feel or to think straight. If I'm flipping my mood, whole thing will turn wrong. Its like I've to be in control. Control ? I don't know how to control my feeling, even my face motion. This sick feeling makes me wanna run away, far away. Like for only one second, let me scream, let me be bitch and just let me lose control.
This guilty, this anger, this shames and this and that ! FUCKKKK OFFFFFFFF ! Maybe I'm over thinking, over thinking ? Yeah my biggest talent and the best thing I can do now. Thumbs up for me ! After everything happen, when I mean 'everything' like everything I wasn't expected, yeah life is unexpected right. From that to that, too much to shallow.
This is my test from Allah SWT, yeah yup yeaahhhhhh !!!! I know I can handle this, I know I can shallow it, I know I can kick ass but the process dohhhh ! The pain, headache, tears and bricks up broken bones, that's what I feared the most. I feared during the process, I'm hurting wrong person due to 'unstable' me.
Oh my god, I wish I can just switch place with someone, I know there's many people out there facing more problem than me but I'm human. I'm bound to feel 'ungrateful'. Dear Allah, I'm so sorry to neglect you, felt that I'm soooo low, I'm sorry ! I'm so sorry that I being so selfish, being sick selfish bitch ! I don' where I get this sick attitude or wait ? Maybe I was like that from the first place but like I said, I was in control.
