Sad and crushed, that's what I feel right now. It hurt so bad and I need at least punch something or someone to release it. You know what make me sad is when I try so bad to take care everybody feelings, try to never hurt them outside and inside but they never do the same thing for me. Never ! Speak and comment me like I'm big fat doll with no feeling. Well I've feeling and now I realized I'm more fragile and weak than I thought. Who's to blame huh ? You can call me sensitive, childish and many more but can you handle the words that breaks your heart from someone you call family ?
I can't pretend that I'm alright when the truth is I'm not. Do I have to pretend like I'm okay in front of my family even though family is the one that we don't need to pretend to be with but hey, there's always gonna be one. I try to forget every single things that ruined me since the beginning, I try to smile and said 'Its gonna be okay, they love me and they will understand'. I fucking try to forgive them and I did but in the end they never realize !
I may sound so ungrateful but hey try to be me for one day. To be honest, I've lost it all, all my feeling for them. I will always love them but this feeling will never be the same. Nothing gonna change all the things you said and I will remember those words till the death. I won't give a shit anymore and I won't change myself. I love myself and I'm always gonna be true to myself. People will comment me no matter what, including family. Fuck hah ? Well that's life ! Don't expect anything from anyone, just you and yourself.
I'm tired being what you want me to be and now I will be what I wanna be ! Because now, I've become so numb to feel anything. Numb to your words.
