Dedicated to:

CONDOLENCE TO THE FAMILY OF MH370 & MH17. MAY GOD BLESS THEIR SOULS AND BE STRONG FOR THIS DUGAAN 

CONDOLENCE TO THE VICTIM OF 'BANJIR' AT KELANTAN AND OTHER SEVERAL STATES. OUR PRAY WILL BE ALWAYS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY 

CONDOLENCE TO THE FAMILY OF QZ8501. MAY GOD BLESS THEIR SOULS 

  This year we were shocked with so many sad tragedies and to be honest this year is the worst of all. I know the war at Iraq is definitely the most heartbreaking ones and I can't imagine living in the hell like that but alhamdullilah our country still fighting for their rights and I know I didn't do anything but my pray will always goes to them. To the family who lost their beloved one, I can't imagined how pain it was, I know how it feels like but yours are the worse since you can't even bury the body or look at the body for the last time but remember this, its all had been written, QADA & QADAR, Allah SWT knows everything and there's always a hikmah for everything.   

Humor me

  Its 2;20 am and here I am, still awake. Well most the days I haven't sleep around this time..oooppsss where's the eyebag coming from huh. I hope its not to late to wish happy holiday for those who celebrate XMAS and for those who don't, enjoy your several last day of 2014. 

  Can you believe that 2014 is almost over ? Like its been a year already ? Freakin out babe ! Hahahaha ! so 1st question is what have you achieve for this 2014 ? Well if you ask me, NOTHINGG! Hahaha I guess so cause I can't seem to remember anything I achieve for this year, all I can remember is crying, stressing, longing, dreaming and smiling ( not frequently ) hurmmm another bad year ? Well Intan, what do expect huh..you can't have an amazing thing for the whole year, silly me. 

  Anyway I don't want to whining cause I'm too lazy, so its been another year with my blog huh, I'm starting my blog at the early of 2010 and I have another blog before this one but didn't last long, so here my favorite blog, can't believe its been 5 years and almost 6 year. There's so many funny, sad, interesting and embarrassing post that I posted back then and some of it, its still the same post that I posting nowadays, same o' same o' problem huh ( Texas accent haha ) Wow alhamdullilah cause I notice some of people don't really updates their blog anymore, well maybe because they don't have a boring life like me hehehe.

  So cheers to another year with my blog, let all these stories share and inspire anyone who reading it..if ada lah hehee. As you can see there's 2014 WISHLIST on the right corner and guess what ? I will update my 2015 WISHLIST, hopefully all my wishlist will be cross over at the end of 2015 ( 2015 tak habis lagi dh berangan dh ) 

Background song : Lost by Kris Allen

By the way, this video was recorded yesterday :) the reason why I'm so happy and the lipstick hehehe is because I just arrived home. InsyaAllah I will show you the lipsticks brand in my next updates. 

Let it burn !

  Well I had a long talk with my cousin just now ( well not that long since it was cut by my umi's 'nak tidur dah' ) Its been awhile since I last talk to him, I like to talk to him, well before I had friends to talk to, I had him, even now I still tell him everything include the embarrass one. I don't think twice to share my secrets, well I trusted him more than anyone. I known him since forever and we grown up together. 

  He doesn't have many friends  thou and yes he's kind of guy who suffer in the silent types. I think he never really have best friend. I know its a pity blah blah but I never judge him for that because that's his life. To be honest he's a best guy I ever met among other boys who's in his age, jerk btw. People call him or sort of label him as nerd ( well he's not cause he only read on certain times only ), stupid ( no he's average, who dare to call someone stupid huh ? ), lonely ( he's the youngest with only 1 sisters, he has me and my 2 younger brothers as his friends, so clearly he's not lonely cause my bros and I are awesome ;P ) and others thing yang berkaitan dengan 'ish dia ni tak ada kawan la'. 

  Everyone is not perfect and he is clearly not perfect but I love him just the way he is. He doesn't bother about others, he can keep a secret, he doesn't talk bad about people  ( unless he piss or I started to talk bad about others :P ) he's polite, he treat people with kindness, he's mature and the best things is he's down to earth but like I said, he's not perfect but most of the time, he is what I listed above. So what is the first impression you have on him ? 

  When we were kids, my family always said that both of us were switch when we were born , cause I'm more boyish and well he's kinda of lembut ( that's because he is his mom anak manja ). My family worried that he's gonna grown up as lelaki lembut or gay which is for me is so stupid and so uneducated. Make fun of him, called him by so many names that I know hurt him. I understand how he's felt after I kena like that when I was 17 and I was fat. After talking to him, give him advise and strong words, I can see he's holding his tears, which now I realize how deep his cut is. I feel so sorry that I can't do anything or stand for him. He kept touching his eyes to avoid the tears, damn I'm hurting too. 

  Here's the thing thou, sometimes we think we have the worst drama in the world and we are so unlucky la blah blah but when we stop and look around, we can see that other people are hurting too. By talking to him, make me realize that every one of us have our own dramas and how mean people can be just because he or she doesn't match your expectation, so this is me telling you, stop pleasing everybody and make yourself happy. Only you and Allah SWT can judge you. 

  When we see this kind of people, we help them, guide them instead of critic and simply judge them, that's what people are pro nowadays. Stupid fucking people. Middle finger for you. I tell you this, karma is bitch ! Motherfucker bitch so keep on the attitude so that karma can bite you. Girls and boys who are facing the same situation like my cousin, don't look down on yourself, have a target and work hard and play hard and have fun :) 

Just another day

Background Songs : Blank Space by Taylor Swift
                                 Girls Chase Boys by Ingrid Michaelson

with my Boom Boom

If its gonna take forever, well be it

  Through whole my life, I've been constantly feeling ugly and insecure of everything I had on my body. From head to toes, I never satisfied and always judging myself and always admired the others. My scars, my pimples, my 'hairy' hands, me being fat, only god knows how many flaws I had. Growing up with people told me to change it, criticize  me and simply ignore me cause of my looks. 

  Growing up like that is seriously a torture, I never show how insecure I am because I'm shy  but people keep on bashing me. Said those hurtful things about my thighs, my butt, my pimples, god it crash me so badly that I refuse to call myself pretty or even stand up because if I'm stand up, they say that's the 'truths' and the truths hurt so I did believe all those comments and I keep trying to change it for them, not for my sake. 

  Alhamdullilah getting to know my girls for past 10 years, I'm inspired, they never judge me, never critic me, never say those hurtful things plus they didn't mind that, all they care is me. People nowadays are so content on whats the real definition of 'beauty'. Those examples on tv saying that girls are beautiful if they are skinny, porcelain skins, perfect teeth and hairs, NO BIG FUCKING NO. That's not beauty, that is 'imaginary' of retarded people. Perfect weight height, small waist, thigh gap blah blah, for god sake, we are not barbies. 

  When I met some of girls who are so beautiful but keep on bashing themselves, they left me wondering, if me who are so ugly, gets so many critics while them who are so beautiful but so insecure. Well the conclusion is  we all fuck up ! What happen to this world and our society huh ! 

  Here I am for almost 18 years of myself trying to accept every flaws I had and now its been 2 years I keep on the positive vibe in me and alhamdullilah, I'm getting better. I have those moments when all my wall trembling down but I keep standing strong, Now I'm in the process to fix my flaws slowly and because I want too. Not for the others sake of course, I believe times is everything, I believe efforts will pay off but the most the important thing is Allah created us with all this for a reason and HE'S knows why, it just us to decide what to do. 

  Love yourself, love everything that Allah gave to you. Be grateful and just be happy. And stop pleasing everybody, nobody have the rights to critic our body no matter how 'awful' our body is. It is our damn body and we the one who decide what to do. No matter you are under weight or obese, its our business not theirs. 

  Change yourself for yourself, you want to be healthy. Be positive and be patience, there's no need to rush or pushing to the extreme limit, I mean where were you going ? Relax and enjoy it. I'm not saying its ok to be fat or obese, but what I trying to say is, its not ok to hurt yourself to be perfect. Take the right steps, stop chasing perfectionism and just be happy and be healthy. 

  And the most important things is STOP JUDGING OTHER'S BODY ! Its not your damn business to critics people for being too skinny, for being curving, for being fat, for having a big butt or big boobs, oh STFU and take care of your own body. If you want to be the adviser, please for mother lord, speak politely, speak nicely and just be a nice human being, no one like when others pointing your flaws so be nice sir and madam :) 

You are beautiful

You are beautiful

You are beautiful 

You are beautiful

Every one is beautiful in their own shape, if you wanna change, well do it honey but remember, do it for yourself. Do it to satisfy yourself :) 

No one like her because we don't have designer, we design ourselves 

Home

At the end of the clock, clocking in the end of 7th Nov 2014

  There they are surprising me with happy faces, damn I can't forget their faces cause its just happened 1 hour ago hahahha. Man, I love every single one of them. All those secrets trying to surprise me, I usually good at knowing their agenda cause I'm one of the mastermind hahaha but I don't know, kinda of lost it or maybe blur or maybe cause I'm innocent ;P 

  I don't know how to thanks them cause every year they make my birthdays better,when I thought it sucks but alhamdullilah Allah send me this evil little angels to bright up my born day. Thank you to every single of you who wishes me on whassap, instagram and emails ( surprising huh ? ) hahaha thanks :) Just a special thanks to these people who truly light up my day :

- Hana Jaafar, thanks for being the first one to wish me. Thanks for the Sam Claflin and those beauty words. Thanks syg, 

- Asyraf Kamil, huh kononnya saja nak piss me off by wishing me late. Puihhhh !!! Thanks my brother, thanks for remind me that I had a brother even though technically you just 6 months older than me -.-' Thanks Abang. 

- Ika Rejab, girl I miss you soooooooooooooooo much. You felt guilty cause you didn't wishes earlier, oh its okay sayang, for you to wish me and chat with me is enough, well not enough cause I miss you and I need a hug from you plus you already giving me a partner, Boom Boom hahaha. Thanks kitty cat. 

- Qurratu Aini, oh dear I felt sorry cause you feeling sad over there, oh honey how I wish I can just drive there and hug you and say to you "Its okay", you said I can read you, well not that actually, its because you had a incredible happy voice and I don't sense that so whatever your problem is I'm here. Cheer up my queen 

- Nurrul Azan, technically this bitch wishes me last this year -.-' kononnya nak buat me sentap, oh please you succeed kot which is so fucking rude hahahha. Thanks Nurrul hahaha, your wishes is stupid but I wishes you more ;P hahaha thanks Vietnam girl.

- My precious girls, Dhia Adriana, Lyana Amiera, Alizahton, Fathiah Shah Jehan and Intan Tasya. Thanks for the gift, thanks for the surprises. Oh girls, you don't know how much I appreciated all that. All I wish for this year is to have a long long long relationship with you guys, thanks my evil little angels.

                                     

                                      

                           

Same date every year

Officially 20,

   So how I feel about it ? Pretty normal/excited/sad/numb hahahha. Not exactly the type of feelings you want to feel for your day but I guess I feel it everyday and make it to my birthday, worse ! I'm not complaining, no I'm grateful for everything. Its just that I know holes in my heart is getting bigger everyday with no reasons. Gosh I'm babbling !

   So dear Intan Asyqin, happy 20th dear ! I hope that you getting stronger, getting brighter, just keep walking to the right paths. You may seem normal but you know, cause you messed up inside so hope all those messy things get straight, I wish you long live, joyful life, money tanker and find the one :) 

   Try not to over thinking, try not to overjudge yourself, try not to fall in love with wrong boy ( didn't happen for some time now, cross finger ), please try not to cry when you start your semester, try not to over stress so that your damn PMS will be normal. 

There you go :) 

Pardon the ugliness, pardon the song, sorry if you can't hear me clearly, I didn't know the volume would be that loud, oh btw its Open Hands by Ingrid Michaelson. 

Kiss me before you go

   I guess I can't do anything about it, when it happens it will, no power or force to stop it. I had been braced this since from last semester. God, how many strengths I tried to force down to my heart, it still jabbed in my heart, leave a pain and scars.

   How can I say goodbye if my heart doesn't willing it, how can I move on if everywhere I looking at, I remember them. How ? I know I have to let go, let go and be gone by gone, this is the path, the path that had been decided since I don't know when. How I cherish every moment I had with them, from the start till the end. Till now. 

   How I wish I can just make everything go away, I don't like this, at all ! Why make me love them if they just gonna go away. Why ? Why make them as a part of me if they just gonna drift apart ? WHY FUCKING DAMN ?  

I will be strong, I will, will. How I wish I can be more strong for them :)

Hey Now

Hello :) 

  What a long long time since I last update my blog. Sorry guys if lama tak update heheheh, been busy with my assignment, after assignment full pulak with MPP'S duties ( never ending duties ) and now final exams. Already done 2 paper which one of it is LAW, dunno whether I pass or die hahaha. To be honest I'm miss blogging, missing the one place that I can express my feeling , I know here people won't know ( if know pun, bukan boleh buat apa )  so yeah insyaAllah  I will frequently update my blog but don't complain if silly thing I post.  

  My latest face which full of make up hahahha, don't be fool by it. Since I have just 1 more week to finish my semester 4, I decide my one month break will fill with self treatment. Means beauty treatment and diet ( cross finger ). I can't find any job that suit my one month break ( tak sampai sebulan pun -.-' ) so how about I treat myself :) that idea seems ok but I wish I can just go to spa every day hahahhaa but since I can't afford it, DIY je lah. 

Will update soon kay ;D stay tune.

Overshadow

The biggest question of my life is :

How my feeling right now ?

   Seriously I don't  know how to react, to feel or to think straight. If I'm flipping my mood, whole thing will turn wrong. Its like I've to be in control. Control ? I don't know how to control my feeling, even my face motion. This sick feeling makes me wanna run away, far away. Like for only one second, let me scream, let me be bitch and just let me lose control. 

   This guilty, this anger, this shames and this and that ! FUCKKKK OFFFFFFFF ! Maybe I'm over thinking, over thinking ? Yeah my biggest talent and the best thing I can do now. Thumbs up for me ! After everything happen, when I mean 'everything' like everything I wasn't expected, yeah life is unexpected right. From that to that, too much to shallow. 

   This is my test from Allah SWT, yeah yup yeaahhhhhh !!!! I know I can handle this, I know I can shallow it, I know I can kick ass but the process dohhhh ! The pain, headache, tears and bricks up broken bones, that's what I feared the most.  I feared during the process, I'm hurting wrong person due to 'unstable' me. 

   Oh my god, I wish I can just switch place with someone, I know there's many people out there facing more problem than  me but I'm human. I'm bound to feel 'ungrateful'. Dear Allah, I'm so sorry to neglect you, felt that I'm soooo low, I'm sorry ! I'm so sorry that I being so selfish, being sick selfish bitch ! I don' where I get this sick attitude or wait ? Maybe I was like that from the first place but like I said, I was in control. 

Crawling

   Before that, I just wanna wish Happy Ramadhan to all Muslims all over the world. May this Ramadhan bring joyful and bless from Allah SWT. 

   Alhamdullilah already on the 7th day of puasa, still able to puasa and hopefully penuh this year. I have high hopes on puasa penuh this year cause yeah level of strewwsss is high above. Hahahahaa I don't know how to describe or how to feel anymore, all I get is headache so yeah just follow the flow lah, Everything that happen and will happen, I just go through till it past by. Tired of feeling pain and hopeless, tired of crying, tired of trying to defend others for the sake of professional. So yeah if its an A, than A lah. 

   To be honest, I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted not because I'm weak with Allah's dugaan, no it wasn't that. I'm sick of people, that's what make my strength low each days. Hoping for honesty of friendship or respect, but I got nothing,instead I got a betrayals. They may not notice but everyday I swallow every shit they put me through. Its okay, its alright. 

   Now I just wish Allah give me extra strength and patience cause seriously need one, Anyways happy fasting guys :) 

Why are we so ......

   A 'vely" HELLO to all dear readers, yahh I've been using 'vely'  pretty much for today. Feeling udah lama bangat ngak diupdatekan blog aku yaaa. Maaf yaaa aku busy banget sihhh ! Hahahahaha yeah missing my blog so much but whenever I'm typing, it doesn't feel right, you know no connection so yeah been dragged for whole months since then.

   So what happen to me ? Well shortcut la yeah, my life 50% sucks, 30% (Y) and the rest is a blur ( which is happen most of the time ). 2 months ago I had my semester break and now 3rd week of my sem 4, already headache with stupid things, well people but I prefer to describe them as 'thing' cause they not worth it to call human, for me lah.

  Another disaster and drama ? Well those things are my days. But everything happen for reason right ? Yeah even it breaks my heart and bones but it will never success on crushing them, fragile as it looks, but my hearts made by ermmmm what it calls ek, ala org jahat dalam Terminator 2 tu, tembak sambung balik, pecah sambung balik hahahhaa, go google it. 

   Dah lali dah org pandang rendah, pandang macam Intan tak boleh diharap, kena pijak kepala and kena ignore, well asam garam Intan lah, yeah it hurts so bad when people judging you based on your looks and just simply label you weak. Lali tak lali, tak pernah stop wondering kenapa org selalu macam tu dengan Intan, Intan selalu je biasa, tak kurang ajar tak sopan sangat, relax je but still...maybe there's a cop over my head that say "USE ME". Well I don't know about that but what I know is what goes around, come around, callng someone stupid or looking down at him, doesn't make you smart or make everyone salute you. NO NO NO NO and BIG NO ! 

   What am I doing right now ? I'm doing what the best thing I'm good at, ignore and simply move on. I don't need this things cause in another few years, all these damn things will be just a scars or nightmare, as bad as I am, I always had my loved one behind me, that's my best features. No matter how complicated I am, there's always one who understand me. 

   

What they going to say

Thanks for being with me when I'm facing a hard times. I know what I said about there's no 100% honesty in any relationship but you guys are one of those people that I willing to take risk of. I don't need to list all the names that I cared the most, if you love me, you will feel my love.

And I am like ...

   I guess in the end of day, you will always have to surrender, raise the white flag or simply give up cause you know and I know, we will always be the one who put down our ego and just forget & forgive. Are we really that satisfied ? Honestly ? Well I don't know anymore about honesty because I don't believe anymore 'honest in relationship'. Name it from family, sisterhood, friendship or romance. Every day we lie, lie and just lie so that the one that we love won't hurt, but how about when we are the one who hurt the most ?

    I guess that's what we call LIFE, yeah I'm still shocked that it did happened, didn't see that coming, Stab in the heart, shivered and just plain fucking pissed. Yeah that's seriously one of the painful  feeling that I probably don't want to feel it anymore cause its sucks. 

   Don't want to put too detail about it cause its too painful even though everything seems back to normal but yeah I guess all of this is big F lesson, now I know no matter how many investment I put into the relationship, never ever ever give all your heart on it, NEVER ! Trust me ! You won't feel it until you're facing the same situation like I did or you probably face it but still denial it. Wait till the hell break loose. 

   All I'm trying to say is never truly believe anyone in this world, yadadadada I'm being sooo negative but come on, this is not a fairy tales were everyone is sooo 'angel' well soo not ! Everyone had a 'satan' inside included me, I won't lie cause I do have one so boys girls just throw away the dream of 100% honesty cause its bullshit. The only real relationship you would only had is with THE ONE. 

   Be brave, be strong because in the end, you live for yourself, the one who can protect yourself is you. The one who truly undersrand you and have a faith on you is you.

Just for fun

Before

After

And after all, I'm still into you

   Okay I know the post title sound sooooo like " Oooo, intan into who huh ?", hahahhaa. Shout out to Dhia Izz my baby FIRAUN. Aww my baby already 20 ( like we don't know that will happen hahahhaha ) How time flies huh ! Been through a lot with you since we 15 and now look we are. Still going strong alhamdullilah. You might not know this but dear Dhia, only Allah know how special you are to me No word can't describe my love to you and how much I adore you. 

   It all started in that cinema hahahhaa. Sitting next to you, felt already connected with you even though only god know how many times we bump but never say anything hahahaha but that day, on that special day, we feel comfortable and even shared drinks hahaahaha and covered our eyes when horror scenes came out. Awww everything changed, I found the best kind of best friend ever. 

   Then the rest is a history and memories, a good one :) praying to Allah that I will never lose you, hoping you will hold me tight no matter what. Muahhhh xoxoxoxoxox. 

Happy Birthday Dear !