Fat, chubby and fat ! 2 things to describe me. Yes I had been 'fat' since I don't know, since born kot. Through past years, words like "Kin makin gemuk la, jaga la makan. Awak tu perempuan", been said over and over again, seem like it will always be say forever. Yes this kind of words hurt me, wait hurt ? CRUSH me ! Feeling that I'm the most ugliest person on the earth !
I have done everything I can to slim down, well not all la kan. I admit that I not working hard enough, keep saying to myself that I will done it no matter what then give up after 5 minutes hahaha. Yeah FUCKING PENAAATTT KOT ! I always think if I slim a bit, people will never see the changes, even though it pain my back my muscle, people will say 'Kin makin gemuk la", no differences then I'm thinking, if, IF I slim, so ? whats next ? Are they gonna stop criticizing me ? hahaha no, they will find another things to critic me, my hair, my pimples blah blah. That's people, guys. They will never stop critic us.
Then suddenly I'm thinking, hey this is my body, fuck yeah I wanna be slim or fat !! I realized that I can't force my body, I love food, food is my everything ! Then I'm gonna exercise, to slim and just to satisfying myself, not to please others. Guys, right now I'm doing 10 minutes simple exercise :) you can watch it on youtube, I know I can't be like Victoria Secrets models, I mean I can but for what ? I'm not a model, I'm a normal person, wait person who in relationship with foods hahaha.
After spending times online, admiring people's perfect body and beauty, I realized they wasn't that pretty hahaha. No one perfect, if they have perfect body and face, they don't have a perfect life. You know Miranda Kerr yang perhh sumpah bapak lawa, separated with handsome Orlando Bloom. See cantik tapi tak ke mana pun. Then it make sense, why I'm chasing physical perfectness over mentalities ? What I'm trying to say is I should focuses more on thinking positive, have a healthy mind, being a good person hahaha :D
Then suddenly everything make sense, faham tak ? If you guys understand, high 5 ! yang tak faham, you not there yet. Now I will exercise, take care of my body while get rid negative thinks and people, try to love myself as much as I can. I know its not gonna be easy, 'I'M UGLY' thought will always inside of me, well all women will have that thought, that's just us hahaha. I'm not saying "please, eat as much as you want, be unhealthy and just be fat", NO BIG NO ! What I'm trying to say is doing it for yourself, doing it to make you feel better, not to show off, to please people or for sake of others.
