I will be going back to college another 15 days and I can't decide whether I'm happy or sad.Sometimes I feel so excited and can't wait to go back but another moment I feel like I'm not ready to go back and face all the drama's or the people.My room is my safest place to hide,well my room is my comfort zone.I miss my room the most actually.Here I can actually be myself and sometimes I can express the emotion that I can't show outside there.
I'm having a difficulties right now,not with myself but family matters.You know the feeling of you're trying your best not to be a burden to someone but that person keep pushing you away ? Well that's how I feel.I'm trying so hard and I'm ending up being so stress trying to figured how to help without being so troublesome.The only person that I hope to actually understand or at least listen to me is not doing any good to me.It's not like a first time but many times and I thought since I'm grown up now,it will change.I guess I'm wrong.
I hate this feeling,the feeling that makes me feel so lonely and just broken.Here deep in my heart,only God knows how broken I am and to tell the truth only God,knows that.The worse thing is I can't even do anything to express my feeling,if I do maybe will make things worse.I wish I've someone to listen to me,well friends don't misunderstood me,you guys are great friends to me but because I love you guys so much I don't want to be a burden for you guys to listen to my miserable life.You know what,I love to show a strong side of me and I feel love when you guys told me your story.Sometimes that moment help to forget my problem.
And yes I'm lonely,I know its bullshit la apa but seriously I AM LONELY ! Its painful and shame to actually admit it but I wish I've someone to share my love & my pain.I've been waiting for 'him' long enough until I feel there won't be 'him' for me.I'm tired feeling this way,I'm tired to imagined the moment I'm sharing my pain with 'him',I'm tired crying alone here.I'm tired of everything.
